Gahh. Sometimes I just feel that I’m just so smart. We were given one project to work on a week ago. And I chose not to do it until the very last moment. And guess what? I managed to complete it in just half a day? The girl beside me took about half a day too. That’s not the main point. The main point is that I chose to do it according to the stated requirements; nothing more, nothing less. Reason being, I’m sure that my copy would be dumped. True enough, it was disregarded. Meh, it’s not the first time anyway.

Logically, the girl and I met all the requirements specified. And we were told to improve on our work since some of them had theirs done halfway. I didn’t improve a single bit, since I just don’t see the need. Neither did the rest, except one guy. So on Wednesday, the coach picked his project as the one to be presented to the supposed users. The coach mentioned that he only tested the guy’s project and it seems to be working fine so he wanted him to present. Wouldn’t it be only fair to test all? To think that he still have the cheek to say that he didn’t even test out the rest of our projects. *shrugs* But at least the rest of us just have to sit and watch. But sure it is frustrating to see hours of your hard work gone into waste. Luckily I didn’t work on it for days; else it would be days of my hard work thrown away. Hmm.

On another note, I got into the Finals. The result was announced a day later, on Tuesday afternoon. Yays! Bumped into her while I was on my way to the canteen to get some extra dosages of candies. I wanted to look for her after getting back from the canteen. But I guess that God created the chance for us, since I might end up being too scared again. Sure it is nice talking to her. She’s trying to withdraw herself as one of the coaches due to her poor health. But guess what? She’s staying because of me! We were assigned a mentor each since the beginning of the competition. And she has been my mentor all these while. She asked me if I would mind having other coaches as my mentor. Initially I told her I don’t mind but when I was questioned who I would like my mentor to be? I told her I still preferred her. Hah. I felt a little bad to hold her back when she’s not in the best of health. Seriously, I’m kind of guilty right now for being such a kid. Then again, if she’s not my mentor, I wouldn’t want anyone to be.

Anyway, thanks for all the sweet comments left on my past two entries. Thanks for believing in me. :)

Bumped into an old friend, boarded the same train, were in the same cabin but never did we acknowledge the fact that we know each other. Hah. He was one of my tuition mates, back in 2000. Not sure if he still remembers how much he and another guy love to throw paper aeroplane towards my desk along with some silly but nice messages which I eventually crushed and threw back at them. *laughs* Those were the days. But what are left are merely sweet memories of the good old days. Now, we’re nothing more to each other, other than just another random stranger.

It makes me wonder what brings two people together; two people who had never met before. How the friendship blossoms and eventually withers over time. And how a stranger eventually returns back to his original status, that is, a stranger. Made a pact with a friend, to meet up on the first Saturday of every month along with some other friends, starting next month. I’m hoping that we would continue to do so for many many years. Once a month, twelve times a year is not a lot, really.

Wasn’t able to sleep well for the past few nights, been thinking quite a lot lately. What if, what if? What if I get into the Finals, what if I don’t? Thanks for the encouraging words on my previous entry. It helps a lot in calming me down. Had a rather interesting conversation with a friend offline, early this week. He mentioned that he believe I can make it and I must believe in myself to make things happen. I responded with:

“I believe, but…
I got cut off almost immediately.
“There is no buts if you chose to believe.” was his reply.

It kept me thinking for the rest of the day on how inappropriate it is to associate believe with but. What makes it more meaningful was to hear from a friend who only jokes with you most of the time. Hah!

Three more days to the release of results. Continue to pray hard for me. :)

Edit: Guess what? I had the same dream again last night. Argh.

As much as I wish I’m right most of the time. I’m hoping that this time round, my instincts are wrong. The Qualifying Round was held two weeks back, on the 7th of April to be exact. I have a really bad feeling that I wouldn’t be able to get into the Finals. And to think that I actually had that exact dream last night, of not getting in. Yes, a nice dream indeed.

One of the coaches called me the day after the competition, just to check how I think I’ll fare. He questioned me about the chances of me getting in. And I told him I don’t know, seriously I don’t. And he did mention that:

“If you didn’t get into the Finals, don’t feel sad about it. After all, you had already done your best.”

Hmm, I had been trying to decipher the message behind the above statement since the day he called. And my guess is: I’m out. I don’t know. I wish he didn’t call. And I am hoping that he didn’t know the results the time he called.

I hope I’m really wrong this time round. Will someone please tell me I’m wrong? That I would be able to get into the Finals? The results would only be released on the 24th of April. I guess I did mention that getting in to the Finals doesn’t really matter much to me months back, but now it does. It’s not about the prizes, the glory, the fame but rather the hope others had placed in me. I just don’t wish to let them down.

I’m just so touched by the stuffs one of the coaches had done for me throughout the years. And guess what? I had never ever thanked her in person. What an ungrateful ass I am. I just don’t have the courage to. I once read that people ought to:

“Learn that there are people who love them dearly, but simply have not yet learned how to express or show their feelings.”

I hope she could feel the gratitude I have towards her just like how I am able to feel the love and concern she had showered on me, and is still showering all over me.

She wasn’t in the best of health months back and I wanted to drop by to ask how she is. But never had the courage to. I just sent an email wishing her well. I wanted to tell her that I really do appreciate her help all this while. But again, I never had the courage to. I wanted to thank her again when I got my Distinction. But still, I lack the courage. She came down on the actual day of the competition to ease the tension I had in me. I wanted to tell her that I’m glad she came. Still, I lack the courage to.

I just know that I have to travel as far as I could in this competition in order not to have all her efforts and hard work wasted. I just know I have to. May God bless her and her family forever.