I never like lying in pretense of things I’m certain of. I don’t know simply means I don’t know. How complicated can it gets? Perhaps later on, I’ll come to realise. But, at that instance, I’ve really got no idea or is simply far too tired to think.
I was labeled as selfish today for my more than frequent i-dont-knows and yet somehow managed to score slightly above average grades. In fact, it had been going on for quite some time, not until I get really annoyed today. Because it was mentioned not once, not twice, not thrice, but simply a lot more than that. And know what? I was labeled as petty by the same individual thereafter, just for being annoyed.
Thing is, I’m much different from the rest of my friends. I can never get myself motivated enough to study every week, or perhaps even everyday, like what most of my friends do. When I don’t sense the urgency, my brain just doesn’t work. And the urgency only comes in a week or so before the examination. And that is it. That’s when I finally get the mood to study.
I couldn’t really understand a thing for my Database module for the past few weeks. I had a lot of difficulty attempting the tutorials. And when the urgency comes in (since I’ll be having my midterm paper two days later), I finally start working on it. Last week, being the term break, was the first time I’ve actually flipped my Database text and attempt to understand. Now tell me, how much can one grasp the concept in just going through the text once? 50%? I doubt so. It’s barely enough to cover the concepts off the surface, nothing more. And I was said to be fully prepared for the paper two days later. If that’s what he thinks, fine.
And to think that the rest of the guys chose to believe what that individual said. I was questioned with some database-related questions on my way back home with one of the guys. And when I couldn’t answer them, I could sense the displease he had in him. He must be thinking that I’m such a selfish ass, since he was told that I’m already done with my revision for the paper. So be it.
Honestly, I’m really tired. I don’t wish to explain to anyone since my conscience is clear. Quit assuming that you know a lot, for the fact that you know nothing. I didn’t study for the whole week like what that individual mentioned. In fact, I was lazing around the house for 2 or 3 days. And I took a 2 hours nap everyday. And for half of the time that I studied, I actually was doing something unrelated. (I actually updated the contents of my sites, with a lot of new drawings!)
As for good grades? It only implied that my studying technique works well for me. And even if I had really studied, there’s bound to be things I’m uncertain of. Tell me, who knows everything under the sky? And perhaps even above it. I would have burst into tears if that happened 6 years ago. Sometimes, I wish people could stop thinking highly of me, I do wish to help, sincerely I do.
I certainly don’t like to be maligned. No one does. I wish I have a friend.
I’m on the verge of breaking down. Too many things, too little time. In just less than 5 days, I would be greeted with tests, one after another, span over 2 weeks. Thereafter, deadlines to meet for assignments and project work. Honestly, how could one breathe with the endless flow of work and never-ending readings.
How it is possible for me to finish them all in just 5 days? I need to shake off the agony and misery from school. Someone, save me!
Thanks: Nana, Jessily, Vincent