Not alone, but I feel awfully lonely. It felt as though I’m walking on this endless road of life all by myself. Random strangers picked me up when I fall. Random strangers shared their sorrows with me. Random strangers cheered me up when I’m feeling down. Just complete randomness. Honestly, I’m kind of tired with all the randomness in life.

Friends come and go. But life goes on. How exactly does one define a best friend? Wait a minute, how does one even define a friend? I’m at a loss. It seems that I’m greeted with different group of strangers at every chapter of my life and when that chapter come to a close, new friends come and the old friends? Gone. Well, not entirely true. But it felt so, at least to me.

It was her 21st Birthday party yesterday. She told me that she would get me to help her out on the party preparation months ago. I told her that I would make myself available if that day ever comes. But it turned out to be I’m one of the last few people to know about the party. It feels really terrible when I was being introduced to her colleagues as one of her best friends. Best friend? I don’t even know about your party until 7 hours before the event, about the same time your colleagues knew about it.

Initially, I wasn’t much bothered about it. Not until I know that another friend knew about her party all along, while I was kept in the dark. Best friends? You must be kidding. I know I can blame no one but myself when the distance widen, because I never for once, initiated any gatherings despite how much I miss some of my friends. I never do. I guess the title never stripped off despite the distance. I too, regard her as one of my best friends. *shrugs*

On another note, it’s my lunch buddy birthday today! Honestly, I kind of miss the good old days, the long conversation over lunch. He’s just one of the few that I can lunch with and chat for hours, after hours. He was the only one I confide to when I was terribly down, and I shared my happiest moments with him during that chapter of my life. I need such a friend in this chapter too. *sigh* I haven’t seen him for close to 10 months. Hopefully, he’ll keep to his word and initiate a gathering when he’s back in Singapore.

I wish life could be much simpler. Do things get complicated as one grows, or are we the one who make things difficult for ourselves? I bet it’s the latter. I’ve come to a point where I really dread attending gatherings, to the extend that I have to come up with silly excuses just so I could excuse myself. I know running away does me no good. But, *shrugs* I don’t know.

Anyway, I had started working two weeks ago. No complains, apart from the dusty bus and production area which caused my ear infection to be back. But no worries, it’s not that bad now. For that, I’m thankful. Hmm, I’m beginning not to like holidays. Too much time for silly thoughts. *shrugs*

Thanks: chillycraps, Haley, Nana, grace, Jacelyn, tiara, Aneesah, Theresa, Joann