Some two months ago, I see myself staring at the clock whenever it strikes three. And I couldn’t figure out why. I knew something should happen at that hour, but I couldn’t out what exactly it is. Neither do I see anything happening. It took me quite a few days to realise; I was looking forward to something that I could no longer look forward to.

Like a little kid, I get really happy when daddy returns home after a long day from work. It had been a habit for the past few months, to take a little break whenever the clock strikes three, just to greet daddy when he return home. And to see if he brought anything back. Sometimes, it’s some little snacks. Sometimes, nothing.

And after taking his bath, daddy would grab some snacks, sit at the dining table for a little meal. Thereafter, heading to his room, reading the newspapers, watching the television program. And popping up my room when he’s done with the reading of the papers and during commercial breaks.

I guess I’ll really miss daddy popping by my room for the next few years. Daddy had gotten a job. Off to the construction site he goes. Ahh yes, stubborn father with a very stubborn daughter. Nothing could stop him from working at the construction site.

Daddy went for a one-day course this morning. And that course lasted for full 8 hours. I couldn’t imagine how a 58 year old managed to survive that boring 8 hours, but daddy did. And he managed to pass the course. Now, he’s qualified to work. And he’s officially starting work in a few hours time.

I’m not sure how daddy would survive on the long journey to work. Daddy had been walking to work for many many years. But now, it’s an hour plus journey to work and yet another hour to get home.

Daddy would no longer get to sip his favourite tea along with some little snacks in the late afternoon. Daddy would no longer be in the comfort of his bed, reading the papers, watching the news, in the evening. Daddy would only be back home around 7PM for the next few years.

Believe me, it hurts a lot. It hurts a lot to see someone you love dearly going through all these, making all these sacrifices, just for the family, just for you.

It hurts way too much.

Daddy, I really do appreciate all the little things that you had done for me for the past two months while you were out of job. I’m still keeping the note you left for me, some one month ago. I guess I am used to having you around the house in the morning that I doubt that I can wake up early anymore.

Daddy, I am praying that you’ll be safe in the new working environment.

Daddy, I’m hoping that you’ll let us know when you couldn’t take the harsh working conditions anymore.

Daddy, be healthy, be strong, be happy.

You may not be the perfect father that sister asked for. But in my eyes, you’re the best father ever. At least, I know that you are the one who truly loves me unconditionally. :)

I’m a human. I have feelings too.

I’m not sister’s punching bag, not for her to vent her frustrations on.

I can’t believe that you told me to let her scold all she wants, months ago.

I did just as what I was told.

And you said to me the same thing again, today.

Now that sister is not talking to me, you’re asking me to make the first move?

It’s not that I don’t want to.

I’m just sick and tired of all the hurtful and sarcastic remarks.

I’m really tired, awfully drained emotionally.

I’ve got no idea how I managed to still remain in this house.

Been crying far too much these days, way too much.

I need a break. I need to run away, really badly.